My Sister said it would be ok, we could earn some money for our family and we could come home to our village in one year. That was four years ago and we’re still here. It’s not ok, I’m always tired and we don’t earn nearly as much money as some girls in the other bars. We owe Mama and that bastard Pai twenty four thousand baht and can’t leave until we have repaid them. They told us they would come to our village and drag us back and make us do worse things.
Some men are nice and they take me out for some food and I translate for them and hold their hand. They have to pay my bar fine so I can go with them, sometimes they pay all week so I don’t have to go back. They always promise to send me money, but only one did when he went back to his home. Some of the other girls fake being pregnant and send them emails and call to them to send them money, but I can’t lie like them.
That guy at table fourteen is sitting by himself and hasn’t bought any girl a drink yet, he keeps looking at me. I will go and sit with him after this dance and see if he will pay my fine, I’m hungry. I hope he doesn’t want to go short time with me, he looks squishy and fat.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Jane's watching the stars
Tommy wasn’t sure if he was dug in enough or if the OP could be seen from down in the valley. The patrol had been inserted ten days ago and it had taken then three days to walk in, mostly at night and then another seven to dig in and set up the observation post. The valley had no tree cover and the four huts they were watching were surrounded by boulders strewn along the valley just below the snow line.
The cold wind off the snow bit into his neck and the darkness was playing tricks on his eyes. The three man SAS patrol was tasked with observing a small compound and there had been little movement since their arrival. His picket was only for 2 hours and soon it would be over and he could sleep. Ten days of cold rations was taking it’s toll and Tommy wasn’t enjoying his first patrol with Bravo Company.
Tommy could hear Johno behind him, fifteen years in the regiment always on two hour rotations mean Johno was a walking alarm clock. He slept for one hour and fifty seven minutes and awoke fully rested. Tommy kept his vision down the valley and he shifted from his sniper scope to normal vision to keep his field of view open. He could her Johno taking a piss into the plastic sealed jar they each carried and would take with them when they were extracted.
Johno crawled into the pit “what’s going on? You fall asleep did you?” Tommy liked everything about life in the regiment except wankers like Johno. Lifers who knew nothing else and saw it as their job as having to break new troopers. “No, been awake the whole time, funny that hey?”
“Whatever, what’s going on?”
“You’re a master soldier, I’m sure you’ll work it out.” Tommy hissed at Johno as he pulled back his rifle and backed out on his stomach towards his sleeping bag, he needed some sleep. Before Tommy was out of the pit Johno grabbed his arm, yanking his rifle out of his grip. “What the fuck are you doing?” Tommy yelled in a whisper at Johno who was staring at Tommy though he couldn’t be sure through the camouflage paint, long beanie and heavy beard Johno had.
“What the fuck did you mean by that? I asked for a situation report and now you fucken well give it to me!” Tommy laid still, the dead of night carried even the slightest whisper and the last thing they needed was a pack of them hearing them and coming out for a look. “Look, like I said, there’s nothing been going on. One bloke came out, took a piss on the south wall, had a durry and went back in, not even a light’s been on.” Tommy didn’t want to argue with Johno, he’d heard about him before joining Bravo and straight away he had zeroed in on Tommy and had been riding him hard all the way since they deployed. The patrol commander Trig was an old mate of Johno’s and even though he was ok to Tommy, he didn’t stop Johno giving it to Tommy. He was younger and fitter than both of them and was doing more than his share on the patrol, but he wanted to make a good impression on the legendary patrol commander.
Tommy pulled his arm free and grabbed his rifle pulling it under his chest away from Johno. “I don’t know what your problem is Johno, but like it or not I’m in this patrol and plan on staying for a while. It’s blokes like you that keep this place in the stone ages and full of meat heads.” Johno kicked towards Tommy’s face, Tommy grabbed the boot and twisted it forcing a bolt of pain up Johno’s leg. Johno let out a gasp of pain which he stifled knowing any noise would carry down the valley.
“You have two choices mate, you can either pull your head in and get on with the job or continue to ride me for reasons only you would know, in which case I can take your shit and you will run out of energy. You’re a fucking dinosaur!” Tommy let go of Johno’s foot and crawled out of the hole. Johno turned to face the valley rubbing his leg.
Confronting Johno was probably not the best approach and in another place, it could have escalated badly. For that Tommy was thankful to be in the valley operating in dead silence when it did happen.
The stars carpeted the black sky like diamonds. Jane would be lying looking up at the same set of stars that he had stuck in the same pattern to their bedroom ceiling before he left. He told her that no matter where he was on this trip, she could always look up and see the same stars together. The stars took him home and released him from the cold of the valley, for the next few hours at least.
The cold wind off the snow bit into his neck and the darkness was playing tricks on his eyes. The three man SAS patrol was tasked with observing a small compound and there had been little movement since their arrival. His picket was only for 2 hours and soon it would be over and he could sleep. Ten days of cold rations was taking it’s toll and Tommy wasn’t enjoying his first patrol with Bravo Company.
Tommy could hear Johno behind him, fifteen years in the regiment always on two hour rotations mean Johno was a walking alarm clock. He slept for one hour and fifty seven minutes and awoke fully rested. Tommy kept his vision down the valley and he shifted from his sniper scope to normal vision to keep his field of view open. He could her Johno taking a piss into the plastic sealed jar they each carried and would take with them when they were extracted.
Johno crawled into the pit “what’s going on? You fall asleep did you?” Tommy liked everything about life in the regiment except wankers like Johno. Lifers who knew nothing else and saw it as their job as having to break new troopers. “No, been awake the whole time, funny that hey?”
“Whatever, what’s going on?”
“You’re a master soldier, I’m sure you’ll work it out.” Tommy hissed at Johno as he pulled back his rifle and backed out on his stomach towards his sleeping bag, he needed some sleep. Before Tommy was out of the pit Johno grabbed his arm, yanking his rifle out of his grip. “What the fuck are you doing?” Tommy yelled in a whisper at Johno who was staring at Tommy though he couldn’t be sure through the camouflage paint, long beanie and heavy beard Johno had.
“What the fuck did you mean by that? I asked for a situation report and now you fucken well give it to me!” Tommy laid still, the dead of night carried even the slightest whisper and the last thing they needed was a pack of them hearing them and coming out for a look. “Look, like I said, there’s nothing been going on. One bloke came out, took a piss on the south wall, had a durry and went back in, not even a light’s been on.” Tommy didn’t want to argue with Johno, he’d heard about him before joining Bravo and straight away he had zeroed in on Tommy and had been riding him hard all the way since they deployed. The patrol commander Trig was an old mate of Johno’s and even though he was ok to Tommy, he didn’t stop Johno giving it to Tommy. He was younger and fitter than both of them and was doing more than his share on the patrol, but he wanted to make a good impression on the legendary patrol commander.
Tommy pulled his arm free and grabbed his rifle pulling it under his chest away from Johno. “I don’t know what your problem is Johno, but like it or not I’m in this patrol and plan on staying for a while. It’s blokes like you that keep this place in the stone ages and full of meat heads.” Johno kicked towards Tommy’s face, Tommy grabbed the boot and twisted it forcing a bolt of pain up Johno’s leg. Johno let out a gasp of pain which he stifled knowing any noise would carry down the valley.
“You have two choices mate, you can either pull your head in and get on with the job or continue to ride me for reasons only you would know, in which case I can take your shit and you will run out of energy. You’re a fucking dinosaur!” Tommy let go of Johno’s foot and crawled out of the hole. Johno turned to face the valley rubbing his leg.
Confronting Johno was probably not the best approach and in another place, it could have escalated badly. For that Tommy was thankful to be in the valley operating in dead silence when it did happen.
The stars carpeted the black sky like diamonds. Jane would be lying looking up at the same set of stars that he had stuck in the same pattern to their bedroom ceiling before he left. He told her that no matter where he was on this trip, she could always look up and see the same stars together. The stars took him home and released him from the cold of the valley, for the next few hours at least.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Euro Posers on Koh Samet
Last weekend we packed up and headed south to Koh Samet to celebrate the Kings birthday and that it came with a day off. So a few hours of driving, a speed boat ride and complementary sweet drink upon arrival had us comfortably checked in and ready to laze on the beach.
The beach was nice, the water a little milky but otherwise a welcome retreat from Bangkok, Sky Trains and Sales at every shopping centre. At home in Australia, the thought of laying for hours at the beach could not have provided for anything less than absolute boredom, but here we can lay back, grab a cold Singha, some fresh fruit and any number of badly coloured sarongs and we have a perfect afternoon. But not to be content with providing some of life's simple pleasures (sarongs excluded), our weekend at the beach was made all the more pleasurable for the seemingly unlimited supply of Euro tourists streaming onto the island.
They seemed to arrive from nowhere, unlike the locals who all seem to awake at the same time and arrive in large groups all sporting the same t-shirts and shorts. The locals bring with them all sorts of blown up rideable objects and they flock to the water but only after 4pm. They are great! However the Euro tourists were there when we arrived, were first on the cabana chairs and first of course to get their breasts out. The breasts were everywhere and in all shapes and sizes.
Now being a grown-up, liberal group we were OK with the naked flesh and the ample quantities of it spread along the sand. What we couldn't get our heads around was the photo shoots and the poses they pulled. It seems Europe has no aqua blue beaches so every person must need to take home a photo album of themselves in prone, half soaked beach shots. Cindy Crawford was everywhere and even the blokes seemed to need some shots sporting the tight latex look. Everywhere we looked, the cameras were out, heads slung back, hair draped down, chests puffed up, it was hilarious...
I used to think Asians did the best photo poses, but after the beach escape I have to drop them below the Russian's and Eastern Euro Tourists and I look forward to next time. I just hope Sue will have remembered to charge the camera battery because we have a portfolio of shots in the memory banks that we need to get done.
The beach was nice, the water a little milky but otherwise a welcome retreat from Bangkok, Sky Trains and Sales at every shopping centre. At home in Australia, the thought of laying for hours at the beach could not have provided for anything less than absolute boredom, but here we can lay back, grab a cold Singha, some fresh fruit and any number of badly coloured sarongs and we have a perfect afternoon. But not to be content with providing some of life's simple pleasures (sarongs excluded), our weekend at the beach was made all the more pleasurable for the seemingly unlimited supply of Euro tourists streaming onto the island.
They seemed to arrive from nowhere, unlike the locals who all seem to awake at the same time and arrive in large groups all sporting the same t-shirts and shorts. The locals bring with them all sorts of blown up rideable objects and they flock to the water but only after 4pm. They are great! However the Euro tourists were there when we arrived, were first on the cabana chairs and first of course to get their breasts out. The breasts were everywhere and in all shapes and sizes.
Now being a grown-up, liberal group we were OK with the naked flesh and the ample quantities of it spread along the sand. What we couldn't get our heads around was the photo shoots and the poses they pulled. It seems Europe has no aqua blue beaches so every person must need to take home a photo album of themselves in prone, half soaked beach shots. Cindy Crawford was everywhere and even the blokes seemed to need some shots sporting the tight latex look. Everywhere we looked, the cameras were out, heads slung back, hair draped down, chests puffed up, it was hilarious...
I used to think Asians did the best photo poses, but after the beach escape I have to drop them below the Russian's and Eastern Euro Tourists and I look forward to next time. I just hope Sue will have remembered to charge the camera battery because we have a portfolio of shots in the memory banks that we need to get done.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Love Hurts
Daddy said we had to bury Thunder far from the stable and our house. It was cold that day and Daddy said the ground was hard. Thunder’s fur was still warm from the blanket I covered her with last night. Daddy let me sleep in the stable last night but not with Thunder, he said I could sleep in the hay stack and had to promise to stay there. But I snuck in to Thunder’s pen when he went inside our house, I broke my promise.
Daddy was digging the hole and he said that it would take him most of the day. I asked him if I could help, but he told me to pick some flowers instead. I always picked flowers for Mummy. Thunder used to like trotting over the flowers and Mummy would always yell at us when we went near them.
I picked some daisies to put on Thunder’s grave and I asked Mummy if it would be ok. She didn’t answer me, but I knew it would be ok.
Daddy finished digging the hole and he told me to turn around when he pushed Thunder into the ground. I was crying and I could not stop. I looked at Daddy and he was crying too. He told me that the ground was cold but Thunder and Mummy would both be warm. We wrapped them in their favourite blankets and put Daisies on their graves. My Daddy cried a lot that day.
Daddy was digging the hole and he said that it would take him most of the day. I asked him if I could help, but he told me to pick some flowers instead. I always picked flowers for Mummy. Thunder used to like trotting over the flowers and Mummy would always yell at us when we went near them.
I picked some daisies to put on Thunder’s grave and I asked Mummy if it would be ok. She didn’t answer me, but I knew it would be ok.
Daddy finished digging the hole and he told me to turn around when he pushed Thunder into the ground. I was crying and I could not stop. I looked at Daddy and he was crying too. He told me that the ground was cold but Thunder and Mummy would both be warm. We wrapped them in their favourite blankets and put Daisies on their graves. My Daddy cried a lot that day.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Standing in the rain
The light turns green, but I can’t move. Everyone is running, trying to hide from the rain but I can’t. It’s Wednesday, four pm and I’m standing in Martin Place soaking wet holding what has become my life in my hands.
The water is soaking into the files, the pages of legal wrangling and dirty deeds all preciously pieced together and fought for by me. For Him. The ink will be starting to run by now, I don’t care. I can’t believe it, after all this, Fuck him!
Five years I’ve waited, five years of false promises and hard sex on his desk. Five fucking years and now this, today of all days, some pretty little red head slut has taken the bait and he leaves me in the rain. I can see them, they don’t know I can see them, had I left as usual I would not be standing here in the rain watching them. I can see them sitting in the window drinking.
Drinking, while I have been sitting in that fucking meeting room defraying his mess and he’s been chasing his hands over some little slut right under my nose.
Well you prick, I will take you down and you won’t even know it. You will feel the pain, like you’re the one bent face down on that desk while they screw you for everything you’ve got. Fuck you will pay!
The rain keeps coming, the light turns red, just like her hair.
The water is soaking into the files, the pages of legal wrangling and dirty deeds all preciously pieced together and fought for by me. For Him. The ink will be starting to run by now, I don’t care. I can’t believe it, after all this, Fuck him!
Five years I’ve waited, five years of false promises and hard sex on his desk. Five fucking years and now this, today of all days, some pretty little red head slut has taken the bait and he leaves me in the rain. I can see them, they don’t know I can see them, had I left as usual I would not be standing here in the rain watching them. I can see them sitting in the window drinking.
Drinking, while I have been sitting in that fucking meeting room defraying his mess and he’s been chasing his hands over some little slut right under my nose.
Well you prick, I will take you down and you won’t even know it. You will feel the pain, like you’re the one bent face down on that desk while they screw you for everything you’ve got. Fuck you will pay!
The rain keeps coming, the light turns red, just like her hair.
Fear
This story is about a character waking to find someone he fears the most standing over him.
Shit! How did they get upon us so quickly, the trench has got to be over three hundred yards over there? “Will, Will you there?” I can feel Will’s leg touching mine, I can feel him shaking. Jerry’s got his bayonet pushed right into my throat, I can’t turn to see Terry, but I can see Jerry’s mate staring down the barrel at Will.
“Yeah mate, I’m here, where the bloody hell did these blokes come from?” “Don’t know mate, what do you reckon they’ll do with us?”
Jerry pushes harder against my throat and screams something I can’t understand. Again deeper, I can feel blood dripping into my collar. The sun is grey and dirt covers us both from the exploding shells that keep hitting the ground around us. I’m surprised we haven’t been killed by one of those blasted things already.
I can feel Will grab my hand and I squeeze his in reply. We have been mates since small school and we’d both signed up together. Mates forever, Will and me.
The sound of war screams from all sides, all day but you never really hear it until you’re about to die. I close my eyes, Will’s hand still pounding inside mine and I hear my last sound of war, a shot, a muffled thud which takes my mate.
I don’t hear mine, I just feel the warm explosion of blood flood my jacket collar and spray Jerry in the face. “Goodbye Will me old mate.”
Shit! How did they get upon us so quickly, the trench has got to be over three hundred yards over there? “Will, Will you there?” I can feel Will’s leg touching mine, I can feel him shaking. Jerry’s got his bayonet pushed right into my throat, I can’t turn to see Terry, but I can see Jerry’s mate staring down the barrel at Will.
“Yeah mate, I’m here, where the bloody hell did these blokes come from?” “Don’t know mate, what do you reckon they’ll do with us?”
Jerry pushes harder against my throat and screams something I can’t understand. Again deeper, I can feel blood dripping into my collar. The sun is grey and dirt covers us both from the exploding shells that keep hitting the ground around us. I’m surprised we haven’t been killed by one of those blasted things already.
I can feel Will grab my hand and I squeeze his in reply. We have been mates since small school and we’d both signed up together. Mates forever, Will and me.
The sound of war screams from all sides, all day but you never really hear it until you’re about to die. I close my eyes, Will’s hand still pounding inside mine and I hear my last sound of war, a shot, a muffled thud which takes my mate.
I don’t hear mine, I just feel the warm explosion of blood flood my jacket collar and spray Jerry in the face. “Goodbye Will me old mate.”
Sunday, November 22, 2009
The Party
When I get nervous or catch a plane my right arm pit sweats. It’s a weird thing, but it seems far more active than the left. I knew I should have worn the white short, it hides the wet patch batter. “Just here’s fine mate”. The cabbie who is sweating more than me pulls over and I throw ten dollars into his palm.
I had got out about 100 metres from her house and just as I got out of the cab I spot Jarrod making his way down the street toward the house. I call out to him in the hope he will hear me and we can arrive together. I hate turning up at parties on my own, I never know what to do with my hands. I usually head for the kitchen and have a few beers and make cool.
Jarrod’s already inside when I make it to the gate, so looks like another solo entry. Kellie and I had been going out for about two months and she was having a party to celebrate the office relocation she was managing. I think she was throwing it also to introduce me to some of her friends I hadn’t met yet.
I open the door and walk in, probably should have knocked, but as the host’s boyfriend I figure I can do without the formalities. Luckily as there’s no one in the hallway but I can hear the laughter and chatter from the backyard. Just as I pass the kitchen he calls out my name. Jesus! I was hoping to avoid him until at least my fourth beer.
Shane, Kellie’s ex of a few years. I had only met him once at the Rugby Club and I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him again so soon. I turn around and face the kitchen door as I was too close to pretend I hadn’t heard his shout and he throws a beer at me. “G’day mate, how you going?” he yells from about four inches in front of me. I don’t think he realises how big he is, and me all five foot nothing is absolutely dwarfed by him. “I’m alright Shane, have you seen Kellie?” “Yeah mate, she’s out back and looking smokin’ hot I’ve gotta say. You’re one lucky little bastard!”
He pushes past me and heads towards the backyard. What does he mean little bastard? I knew I should have worn the white shirt, my wet patch is growing uncontrollably. I don’t know what she saw in him? Or should it be, I don’t know what she sees in me? I don’t know why but I want him to like me. No, I want him to want to be me. I have his ex-girlfriend after all. Maybe he secretly does? But when you’re a seven foot Rugby Captain, I guess you don’t need to be jealous of too many people. I head to the backyard in his shadow.
Jeez I wish the little fella would relax. Kel had told me about when we first met and him not liking me. Well I can understand I suppose, I did spill half a jug of Tooheys on him and he had to leave in a hurry. I didn’t mean it, but the look on his face was priceless, even Kel had a laugh.
Maybe I’ve just got to spend some time with him? But that would be a bit odd I suppose, Kel and I are good mates now, but three’s a crowd. I’m not too sure he likes the rugger’s either, so a few tickets to the games isn’t the go I don’t reckon.
Well the party’s kickin’ off and the crew’s all here. “Come on Stevo’, your missus is waiting!”
I had got out about 100 metres from her house and just as I got out of the cab I spot Jarrod making his way down the street toward the house. I call out to him in the hope he will hear me and we can arrive together. I hate turning up at parties on my own, I never know what to do with my hands. I usually head for the kitchen and have a few beers and make cool.
Jarrod’s already inside when I make it to the gate, so looks like another solo entry. Kellie and I had been going out for about two months and she was having a party to celebrate the office relocation she was managing. I think she was throwing it also to introduce me to some of her friends I hadn’t met yet.
I open the door and walk in, probably should have knocked, but as the host’s boyfriend I figure I can do without the formalities. Luckily as there’s no one in the hallway but I can hear the laughter and chatter from the backyard. Just as I pass the kitchen he calls out my name. Jesus! I was hoping to avoid him until at least my fourth beer.
Shane, Kellie’s ex of a few years. I had only met him once at the Rugby Club and I wasn’t looking forward to seeing him again so soon. I turn around and face the kitchen door as I was too close to pretend I hadn’t heard his shout and he throws a beer at me. “G’day mate, how you going?” he yells from about four inches in front of me. I don’t think he realises how big he is, and me all five foot nothing is absolutely dwarfed by him. “I’m alright Shane, have you seen Kellie?” “Yeah mate, she’s out back and looking smokin’ hot I’ve gotta say. You’re one lucky little bastard!”
He pushes past me and heads towards the backyard. What does he mean little bastard? I knew I should have worn the white shirt, my wet patch is growing uncontrollably. I don’t know what she saw in him? Or should it be, I don’t know what she sees in me? I don’t know why but I want him to like me. No, I want him to want to be me. I have his ex-girlfriend after all. Maybe he secretly does? But when you’re a seven foot Rugby Captain, I guess you don’t need to be jealous of too many people. I head to the backyard in his shadow.
Jeez I wish the little fella would relax. Kel had told me about when we first met and him not liking me. Well I can understand I suppose, I did spill half a jug of Tooheys on him and he had to leave in a hurry. I didn’t mean it, but the look on his face was priceless, even Kel had a laugh.
Maybe I’ve just got to spend some time with him? But that would be a bit odd I suppose, Kel and I are good mates now, but three’s a crowd. I’m not too sure he likes the rugger’s either, so a few tickets to the games isn’t the go I don’t reckon.
Well the party’s kickin’ off and the crew’s all here. “Come on Stevo’, your missus is waiting!”
Saturday, November 21, 2009
A Short Story - My Morning Ritual
The sand presses under my feet as I hit the beach at the North end at my usual get-in, the Dunny Bowl rip. It marches out to sea and freight trains any willing surfer out the back. As the sun creeps slowly above the horizon and brightens the dark I can see the boys already bobbing up and down. Matty, Seano, Nick, Mick, Andy and Jim, they’re always out and I’m late. It’s become a contest, who can get in first and call himself king of the morning. I indulge then in the daily race as I do all I can to rise and get myself sorted and into the ocean as quickly as I can.
I take my time to pull my t-shirt on and feel the ocean lap at my ankles. I love this part as much as I love the waves that follow, the preparation, the excitement, the nerves. “Will it be good? Will the ocean bring forth the all time ride today?” It doesn’t matter if it’s 2 foot dribble or 12 foot howling winter lines running as far as the eye can see, the feeling is always the same. Maybe it’s true what they say? Only a surfer knows the fleeing.
A few cursory stretches and a final check of my board, fins and leggy, Blu-tak pushed into my left ear. It has been giving me hell all winter with the cold southerlies blowing to shore and straight into my unprotected ear and neck line above my wetty. The outside world and it’s noise close off to me as the sticky blue ball covers my ear and leaves me with only the sound of my breathing and my own thoughts. I love this part, the sound of nothing but my breath as I enter the water.
I can barely make out the hoots and hollers from Seano as I see him racing down the right hander re-forming on the shore break. His arms and legs akimbo as he chases the wall, perfectly matching the wide grin on his face.
I take my time to pull my t-shirt on and feel the ocean lap at my ankles. I love this part as much as I love the waves that follow, the preparation, the excitement, the nerves. “Will it be good? Will the ocean bring forth the all time ride today?” It doesn’t matter if it’s 2 foot dribble or 12 foot howling winter lines running as far as the eye can see, the feeling is always the same. Maybe it’s true what they say? Only a surfer knows the fleeing.
A few cursory stretches and a final check of my board, fins and leggy, Blu-tak pushed into my left ear. It has been giving me hell all winter with the cold southerlies blowing to shore and straight into my unprotected ear and neck line above my wetty. The outside world and it’s noise close off to me as the sticky blue ball covers my ear and leaves me with only the sound of my breathing and my own thoughts. I love this part, the sound of nothing but my breath as I enter the water.
I can barely make out the hoots and hollers from Seano as I see him racing down the right hander re-forming on the shore break. His arms and legs akimbo as he chases the wall, perfectly matching the wide grin on his face.
Love - A Short Story
My wife Gladice brings me my tea. She brings it to me right to me chair, but it’s not my favourite. Ice cold Vodka, straight from the freezer, now there’s a drink I can enjoy. Every day at 3 o’clock we sit in the lounge watching some incessant rambling from some greying politician and we drink our tea and eat our cake.
Gladice makes the best tea cake this side of the annual church fair. She actually makes most of the cakes at the fair, so I guess I’m the lucky one. Only problem is, tea cake gives me horrible re-flux and it burns me insides to buggery. I just can’t bring myself to tell her, she’s been doing it so long it would break her heart.
So I wait. I wait until she’s up and into the next pot of tea from the kitchen and I leg it to the loo. Straight down in one flush it goes. It must be why it wins all the awards at the fair, it’s so light and fluffy it goes down in one flush, no mess.
I’ve been drinking tea and flushing cake for as long as I can remember. But it makes her smile and that’s what love is I reckon. I don’t know what I will do when she goes. I’ll probably have to swap the tea for vodka, the cake for chips and hell, I might even have a go at baking a cake myself.
Gladice makes the best tea cake this side of the annual church fair. She actually makes most of the cakes at the fair, so I guess I’m the lucky one. Only problem is, tea cake gives me horrible re-flux and it burns me insides to buggery. I just can’t bring myself to tell her, she’s been doing it so long it would break her heart.
So I wait. I wait until she’s up and into the next pot of tea from the kitchen and I leg it to the loo. Straight down in one flush it goes. It must be why it wins all the awards at the fair, it’s so light and fluffy it goes down in one flush, no mess.
I’ve been drinking tea and flushing cake for as long as I can remember. But it makes her smile and that’s what love is I reckon. I don’t know what I will do when she goes. I’ll probably have to swap the tea for vodka, the cake for chips and hell, I might even have a go at baking a cake myself.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
The offer too good to refuse from the Honorable Barrister Frank Duk
Below a message I received via Skype today. I have never received one of those King of Nibiya emails asking for money in return for vast tracks of land. I was starting to get worried that everyone else was getting allocated all this African bounty and I was missing out, so it came as a relief when the Honorable Barr.Frank Duke finally got in touch with his offer.
Now although as he points out in his intro, we haven't met I do believe that strangers are simply friends we haven't met yet and I reckon Frank and I could really have something. He's got 12 million bucks and I'm going to be his partner. He's obviously a smart guy getting me involved, so I'm confident we can at least double it and depending upon his penchant for the pokies, we could even triple it with a bit of luck.
Obviously I got straight onto the reply. I can sense his urgency to partner up, so with any luck this time next week we'll be rolling in cash..
Or maybe.. He will not be interested as my deal isn't as good as his and he probably wont want to waste his time.
Fingers crossed.
[2:38:40 PM] Barr.Frank Duke: Hello,
I apologize since you do not know me before,i have a very important business proposal for you that involves claims of $12,000.000,00(twelve million Us dollars).
I wait for your quick reply to my private email (barr.dukef@live.co.uk) for more details of this project.
Best regards,Honorable Barrister Frank Duk
[2:47:07 PM] David Phillips: Wow Honorable Barrister Frank Duk, thats amazing, I was just about to call you as I have an amazing opportunity that I think you could be interested in too. Only problem is mine is worth only $11 million US dollars, so I guess you wouldn't be interested.[2:48:39 PM] David Phillips: If however you are interested, please email my accountant at xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (deleted to protect my accountant) and will be happy to advise you of the details.
Now although as he points out in his intro, we haven't met I do believe that strangers are simply friends we haven't met yet and I reckon Frank and I could really have something. He's got 12 million bucks and I'm going to be his partner. He's obviously a smart guy getting me involved, so I'm confident we can at least double it and depending upon his penchant for the pokies, we could even triple it with a bit of luck.
Obviously I got straight onto the reply. I can sense his urgency to partner up, so with any luck this time next week we'll be rolling in cash..
Or maybe.. He will not be interested as my deal isn't as good as his and he probably wont want to waste his time.
Fingers crossed.
[2:38:40 PM] Barr.Frank Duke: Hello,
I apologize since you do not know me before,i have a very important business proposal for you that involves claims of $12,000.000,00(twelve million Us dollars).
I wait for your quick reply to my private email (barr.dukef@live.co.uk) for more details of this project.
Best regards,Honorable Barrister Frank Duk
[2:47:07 PM] David Phillips: Wow Honorable Barrister Frank Duk, thats amazing, I was just about to call you as I have an amazing opportunity that I think you could be interested in too. Only problem is mine is worth only $11 million US dollars, so I guess you wouldn't be interested.[2:48:39 PM] David Phillips: If however you are interested, please email my accountant at xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx (deleted to protect my accountant) and will be happy to advise you of the details.
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