My New Year Revolution

Each year as they come to a close and a new one looms on the horizon, most people start making lists in their minds and some people even commit them to paper in some conscious display of resolve. Resolutions of things they want to achieve, ways they want to be, stuff they want to give up and people they want to become in the fresh new light of a new year. But what is it that makes us draw up these catalogues and file them for a while at the front of our minds or post-it-note them to our fridges?

Time is my guess. ..

The ending of the year and the dashed hopes of past lists not complete. The fresh start and a promise of more time to tick off the things we still need to do and become. They start to cave in on us and compete for space in our brains, some people focus on the last year and the unchecked items, others cast the list aside and forge ahead into the new year conjuring up a new set of ideals. For the former, the new list generally mirrors the old and they start to lament the efforts not taken or the things that got in their way. “If only I had more ........”, “I would have got to that if only.......”. their new years eve parties are full of bemoaning and sorrow, they miss the fireworks and being kissed by the hottie on the other side of the balcony. But unless they take some time to really make the effort the same scenario’s keep popping up and they find the same items need to be addressed if they want to make any head way through the list. So the list gets rolled over, the year is scratched out and replaced with the next.

Like a battered wife who leaves her husband for another guy who beats up on her, there’s something fundamentally amiss and she needs to deal with it to break the cycle. Ok, a harsh example, but you get my point. It’s no good simply writing another list unless you are serious about taking action so you can tick off the things you haven’t yet done.

For the others amongst us who look forward by throwing the unfinished lists away in the hope that “this will be the year!” the lists look to be different to the past and that’s the way we like to do it. Re-invent yourself each year in the hope that one year it will happen. But scratch away at it just a bit and the lists although different in surface level aspirations, start to look the same. This way the new year has all the same as the last, a compass to march ahead with, but in the end it just takes you around in circles. Unless the list includes something as dramatically life altering like having a full sex change, then fundamentally they are just different ways to skin the same cat, which when compared to the former group means both ways end with the same result, a re-hashed list invariably resulting with the same outcomes as the last.

So not knowing whether it suited me better to look backwards and stick the post-it-note on top of the cable TV bill or to screw it up, throw it out and re-create my forward looking list of resolutions, I decided to do neither. But what would I do without a list? How would I know at the end of 2010 that it had all been to plan, that I hadn’t simply wasted another year going from Friday night drinks to Sunday afternoon beers? How would I recognise the achievements I had made? How would I know if this year was the year? And indeed, if it was the year and I missed recognising it, then how long would I have to wait for the next one? Would there be another or was this year my best hope?

I was stuck. Stuck between not needing a list and having to have a compass so I could navigate my year ahead. I wanted to be one of those people who laughs when asked at a new years eve party what my new year’s resolution was and telling my inquirer that I simply lived day to day, but I also wanted to be the other person who comes up with such profound resolutions other people go home and scribble all over their post-it-notes.

Resolutions don't work, self-promises don't seem to hold much water either and wishes, well you don't need another year to start to make them. Concepts, now there was a way I could generate my list and still maintain my air of indifference and self-pilotage. Concepts allows me to be as extravagant as I want. Concepts are plans and ideas which MAY have potential for realisation.

The MAY gave me exactly what I needed, an out! I could bump along in 2010, confident I was following my list of concepts and ticking of the ones that appealed to me or that came within reach, but I effectively avoid any downside on 31st of December when I review my list and find any un-ticked items still at the bottom (or top). I can then choose to roll them over to 2011 or throw them out as ideas that didn’t make the grade. I get to have the best of both worlds!

I now have my list to give me direction and I have my out to avoid any possibility of self loathing for non achievement. I showed it to my wife Sue and whilst I wouldn’t call them extravagant or unrealistic, the part she added to the bottom about having my dental work done may be one of those rollover jobbies.

A list of current year concepts, why hadn’t I thought of this years ago? It would have gave me so much more time to enjoy the new years eve parties!

Post Holiday Blues

So it is we return from our Christmas holidays having jetted home to see our friends and families and have them fill us with food and wine all week, followed by the annual snow trip. Going from -10 degree, white Japan to +30 degree Bangkok streets has it's down side and we find ourselves wading through the post holiday blues. These blues at first seem different, but this morning standing on the train as Radiohead plays in my ears I realise they are the same. Maybe it was Radiohead, maybe it wasn't the fact my holiday was over and I was going to work?

I thought of the many post holiday downers I have had and like all things it's just a matter of perspective. At least we can head off on a plane, experience new and different things and see our friends and families when we choose to.

Now not to be too philosophical about holidays, but it is easy for us to return to work and begrudge the effort we need to take to be able to catch the next plane. It's all too easy to walk in to the boss, slam the desk and tell him to shove his job with visions of tropical islands or mountain retreats plastered in our minds. But then just before you catch the lift to the top floor, you realise how hard it will be to fund that next plane ride out of here by simply laying on your ass drinking cocktails (you have even done some strange math but can’t make it work). Reality sets in and your shoulders slump and the blue surrounds you, not even a decent coffee can shake it. Maybe some vodka can?

So before we take to the bottom drawer where we keep the white spirits, before we make the day even longer than it needs to be, before we overdoes on caffeine, we need to step back or around our mood and realise that we have choices. We are lucky to be able to choose to work or not (and enjoy the trappings it brings or not), we are lucky to know that if we so choose to we can leave it at any time and go do something else. Many can't..

It's whether we do anything with those choices or not which is really the cause of our blues. And really, being one of the lucky ones who has a choice is nothing to be down about, it's a sad fact then that I could be feeling blue because my holiday was over and I had to return to work. But being human means I am prone to wanting something I haven't got or wanting everything with no sacrifice.

When I distil it down, I realise I am blue because I know I have choices and I can act on them whenever I want. I'm blue because I feel I am stuck, stuck between wanting to be on holiday all the time and knowing that I need to sacrifice by working to be able to go.

Now some people, most people I'm guessing already know that, and I do too. But it's strange how we seem to get stuck in our blue moods post holidays when we know this even before we check in for that flight, even before we book the tickets. So why do we do it? Why do we allow ourselves to be down?

Simple, it prolongs the holiday....We lament having to return, there isn’t a day spa in sight, we can still taste that last martini at the bar, we are still rocketing down the mountain! But we know we aren't and so we turn to our calendars and mark up all the coming public holidays and scheme ways of taking more leave than we have and dream up holidays and adventures away from our desks. And for a while the blue is gone, evaporated into the postcards you will write (sorry blogs and face book posts), places you will go and food you will eat.

But once the time comes to book that next trip and you realise that you have only been back at work 2 days, you come back to earth. You mark the booking site as a favourite, close the internet and go back to work. But that is part of the choice, the choice to sacrifice, to take that next plane.

I know I have choices, I have made mine. My calendar is marked, I use different colours so I know how far away the next long weekend is, my favourite web sites are marked for easy access and my bag is half packed already. The blues may be here, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to let this holiday end so soon!